Gift baskets are out of date! Or is it that they’re just boring? Actually, I hope the correct response is neither. You see, I make my living by selling gift baskets (among other food gifts). Granted, it may be less significant that solving the global warming problem or removing a pesky mouse from under your kitchen cabinet, but it’s an honest way to pay for the roof over my family’s head.

I can read your mind: “All of his gift problems are solved; year in and year out everybody on his list gets stuck with another gift basket.” I want to disabuse you of your smug attitude! In fact, I face the same dilemmas that you face during any gift giving, decision making crisis.

I don’t give only baskets of joy to my loved ones. Even if I did just give gift baskets to everyone, my choice would be only marginally easier than yours. My company alone offers scores of fruit baskets, wine gift baskets, gourmet food options and far more. (I can hear you right now, begging me to tell you where this wonderful store is. A little patience is called for on your part.)

Before you coerce me into giving away my store location, I want to share my own decision making strategy with you.

First, I decide on an appropriate category of gift. If Uncle Milton really has managed to eliminate his drinking problem after a decade of trying, then the wine gift baskets are out of the running. Instead, I’ll opt for a fruit basket with something seasonal. After years of ignoring the nutritional value of what he consumed, he could use a few extra servings of fruit in solid form.

Aunt Millie, on the other hand, is a great wine sipper. Frankly, I don’t know if she really enjoys the wine, but she sure enjoys talking about it. She thrills to have a new member of her audience so that she can explain what makes a good vintage year, the varieties of grapes that are used in her favorite blends and, especially, how much she paid for each bottle (as well as how much she paid for the carpeting you just ruined by spilling your glass). She’ll get a simple wine gift basket, but I’m not going to spring for the champagne!

My nephew, Alfred, recently married his long time girlfriend. To tell you the truth, even I agree that it’s about time. Alfred spent the last eight years trying to decide if she was worth the cost of a diamond ring. (I suspect that he eventually settled on crystal, which, considering Alfred, would be thought of as generous.) Alfred always loves to receive cash as a gift. Well, he’s not getting that from me. Instead, they’re getting a meal of live lobsters and the trimmings from me. Actually two, of course. My thinking is that this is the only way to get his bride out of the kitchen. Alfred would never pay for a restaurant meal, so, in a sense, I’m sending the restaurant to them.

My second step, after choosing a category is to select a price range that I’m willing to spend on these people. Then my wife makes me double that amount.

My perfect grandson isn’t getting a food gift. I’m getting him the latest cell phone system, complete with an unlimited calling plan. I would get him a sports car if only you would buy a lot more gift baskets!

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Please stop giving my favorite gift category a bad name. Join the revolution by refusing to ship those obnoxious collections of unidentifiable cylinders claimed to be sausage and the awkward containers of processed cheese spreads. Extend the protest to include those tree killing enormous boxes that contain a couple apples or pears. I can find apples and pears that are just as good in my local super market.

Despite my heretical words, above, I love good food gifts. I enjoy giving them, but I enjoy receiving them even more. However, when you send me something, please make it the same quality I give those on my gift list. There is a difference, you know, between true quality and the convenience of buying from one of those ugly mall kiosks. Food gifts deserve at least as much careful thought as that after-shave you bought your dad year after year in your childhood–oops, not a good example, perhaps.

Instead of the mostly chemical box from the mall stand, think about a assortment of gourmet cheese from some cheesemaker who actually understands what cheese is and what it can be. Let’s keep the goats and cows happily employed instead of just putting more chemicals in our food. I would love even a small gift such as that more than the biggest box of the fake stuff that your mall displays.

A beautiful wine gift basket makes a delightful gift for the right person. Do remember though that this gift is not suited for everyone. You see, I haven’t had a drink in years, because I’m an alcoholic. I prefer not to be tempted, especially during the holidays, but my sister would be an ideal recipient. She knows how to sip and savor; I remember only how to gulp and refill.

In our mobile society, we all have a beloved relative or a dear friend who has moved to some distant location. Consider a gift of live lobsters or a couple complete lobster dinners. Indeed, after you read this article, I hope you feel friendly toward me, because that is a gift that I would enjoy!

I made light of fruit gift baskets a while ago, but, if you take the time, you can find a basket of gourmet fruit–fruit that does not grown in my back yard. This can be a truly thoughtful gift for someone who is into fitness or who has started the sort of logical diet that allows the consumption of fruit.

See? If you give a food gift the thought that it deserves, you can avoid the line at the mall kiosk and save the heavy fruitcakes and fake cheese boxes for other shoppers. Join me at home some evening, shopping from the Internet. I share my real cheese with you, but you’ll have to bring the wine for yourself.

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Many of us are faced with a time in which some of our close friends and family are enduring tough economic times. Especially in those types of cases, we want to be sure that the gifts we give them for special occasions are put to good use, needed and enjoyed. I have a few suggestions:

A fruit basket is healthy, beautiful, yummy and always enjoyed. If you live near your gift recipient, you can find a lovely basket or other attractive container and fill it with fruit that is in season in your region of the country, obtained at a farmers market, and then fill it out with a few exotic fruits picked up at your neighborhood specialty store. If your loved one is farther away, you can arrange for any of a large range of beautiful fruit gift baskets to be delivered directly to the person’s home. It will help them to reduce their grocery bill that month.

A unique meal is another way to remember a special occasion. One alternative might be to take the friend to a special restaurant. If price is no object to you, be sure to suggest some of the pricier entrees on the menu, so that your guests know that they should not worry about ordering whatever they prefer. For example, you could say something like, “The crab legs are perfect here, but, if you don’t like seafood, try the filet mignon.” If they live too far away for that, you can actually find delicious, gourmet, chef-prepared meals online that arrive frozen and can be heated in almost no time. (I actually keep my freezer stocked with these.) Or you might send a gift certificate to a special place in their town.

A final recommendation is a scrumptious dessert. Now, lets face it, nobody should indluge in too many desserts, but on a birthday, anniversary or holiday, everyone deserves a chance to feel a little pampered. Bake cookies, if that is a skill of yours, and hand deliver or have them delivered. For something a little more special consider giving them a delicious pie or a New York cheesecake. Whether you make it yourself or have others do the work for you doesn’t matter. It will be appreciated and definitely enjoyed either way.

You’ll notice a common feature in these suggestions. They all involve food. Someone who is going through a difficult time may not want to accept charity, but nobody can reject a genuinely special gift. If it reduces the grocery bill by a bit, so much the better.

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Finding the perfect gift to give to the person who has everything is pretty hard but the fruit basket never misses. Creating your basket to give as a gift is pretty simple and can be fun to put together. This then will be an appropriate gift for just about anyone on your list at Christmas, birthdays, for teachers or neighbors.

There are just a few simple supplies you will need to put together your git of fruit. You will need some shredded paper, a wicker basket, scissors, bows, blow dryer, flowers, ribbons, heat-sealable plastic gift-wrapping and of course fruit.

When you are picking your fruit for the basket look for the most perfect pieces you can find with no dents, dings or bad spots. Try to find colorful fruit and besides the usually things like apples, oranges, bananas and pears you might add things like kiwi, mangoes and pineapple.

The container does not have to be wicker but that is traditional and some colored paper that is shredded will make a nice bed for the fruit to rest in the container. The larger fruit should be on the bottom or to one side with the little pieces of fruit resting around the bottom layer.

Sealing the basket up with the fruit to protect it will be easy if you use heat-sealable plastic wrapping material. This comes in a variety of patterns and colors but it needs to say that it is okay to use with perishable foods. Cut the wrap about three times the size of the basket.

Lay out the gift wrapping and put the basket in the middle of the wrapping. Then you ease the sides up to the center and at the top secure the plastic wrapping. Use a blow dryer and let the hot air seal the wrapping making in into a bag.

Now you can make your gift unique by adding flowers, ribbon, bows, or any kind of special decorative touches that will make it look as pretty as it will taste. Taste is one of the best things about giving a fruit basket and it is also good healthy food. You can actually give the same gift to the same person over and over without it becoming a problem. It actually becomes a kind of tradition the person will look forward to because they are so tasty and refreshing.

If you are giving fruit to the same person you can change it up by adding chocolates or a special gift that is not edible but something the person would enjoy. This can become the center of the creation with fruit surrounding the special present.

I am not a shopping enthusiast! Except around the holidays, I hate the parking problems, I don’t enjoy browsing aisle after aisle looking for something that would be honestly appreciated by Grandma or Uncle Arthur. I certainly do not like standing on line with frustrated people waiting for the lone employee to handle yet another exchange. During the holidays, I enjoy meandering through stores simply people watching, without being weighted down with bulky packages. The experience for whatever reason puts me into a holiday mood, but I do my actual shopping and buying almost entirely online. That’s a practice I developed in the very early years of the Web.

Online shopping didn’t save my life all by itself. Just because I started using the Web before any of my friends, I still had to make the decisions. And then, around five years ago, or so, I discovered food.

Of course, I actually discovered food when I was still an infant, but it didn’t occur to me as a great gift until I had suffered through many rounds of birthdays, baby showers, and countless other events that seem to always pop up. I received a gift basket of little sausages, spreadable cheeses and plain crackers. It was terrible! At the same time, though, I thought what a great gift this could have been. All they had to change in the gift was the quality of the contents!

Since then, I have been busy conducting research (that’s just my word for “sampling”). I have found online vendors who offer genuine quality for about the same price that you can get that synthetic stuff at the mall. (You know the one I mean, but I’m not about to open myself to a libel or slander charge by naming the brand.) Just like the mall kiosks, the online shops handle all the shipping, gift cards, everything. I know that my gifts will be exceptionally pleasant surprises for all of my gift recipients.

The wide selection of quality gift foods available is truly remarkable. It ranges from live lobster dinners to a gourmet fruit basket; from cookie bouquets to live lobsters; from wine gift baskets to imported caviar or fine Wisconsin cheeses.

I do keep gift foods around the house, beautifully or cleverly arranged, for my guests who come to my house or for those whom I visit in person during those gift giving times. The Internet provides assistance to me even in these cases, because it is packed full of great ideas for arranging and wrapping gift food.

So join me in thanking the Internet (maybe Al Gore?) for teaching me how to walk through an aisle of a store, empty handed, with a huge smile. I can do that, now, just to soak up the spirit of the season, whatever season it happens to be. I’m a tourist when I’m there instead of a harried shopper.