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First, I’d let her know that you do appreciate that she adores your kids and wants to lavish gifts on them. Since she seems to have a life-long habit of over-spending, you’re not likely to get her to stop this Christmas. I’d explain to her that the kids don’t need much, and you don’t/won’t have the space for all of that stuff. If she’d like to still spend that much, she is welcome to start a savings account or college fund for the kids! Really play it up that she would be giving them the best gift of all by helping them in the future. She may not go for it though, since she seems to be so into tangible gifts. If that’s the case, you’ll have to put your foot down and tell her the toys cannot come into your home. Make her keep them at her house for them to use there, and take them back over there if she brings them to your house.
Good luck! This will be our daughter’s first Christmas, and as the first grandchild on both sides, I’m sure she’s going to have a house-ful of toys she doesn’t need too.
Well, it’s not your issue. As long as she knows it’s not necessary that’s about all you can do. If she wants to spend that much she’s going to spend that much. I would be very upset if my kids wouldn’t let me get what I wanted for my grandchildren.
As for not having enough room. Just tell her [like you have] that it would have to stay at her house. Propose some gifts that you think your children would like that aren’t large. If she buys them anyway just send it back over to her house. Tell her thanks and that they’ll have lots of fun when they come to visit.
If I were you I just wouldn’t make a big deal. Let her know that she doesn’t need to do that and you don’t have room so the toys will be at her house. No big deal. If she gets upset about it then that’s her problem not yours. Best of Luck!
EDIT–Don’t let her guilt trip you about spending money on your kids. Explain to her that she can take the gifts for your kids back [assuming she would do this near Christmas] and buy gifts for your sisters.
YOU are letting her do this. You are enabling her by worrying over all this. You told her what you had to. It’s up to her to make the choice. YOU aren’t obligated to do anything.
Mom is too generous isn’t she? That’s probably how she got in trouble with her credit cards. Mom needs limits. All you can do is tell her that you will just return the gifts as soon as the kids get them; you don’t have room for them and you are moving. Thank her very nicely, but ask her to refrain as per you AND your husbands request. Remind her you are a grown woman, with a family of her own, and should be able to have an adult conversation with her and have her understand your position. Great you can stay home with the kids! I did that too, and never regretted a minute of it. You can’t get those days back and I know many Moms need to work. Try asking Mom to spend it on something for the whole family (or part of it), like a weekend away for you.
at this point there is no reasoning with your Mom,So here is what I would do since you are moving ,Take her nice gifts and don’t open them pack them away in the basement and save them for your new house.You are smart for now spending way to much on your kids for Christmas,This is as you say how people go in debt.Spend wisely there still little yet and don’t need big expensive gifts.Remember also when the kids are to big for the gifts that Mom has bought you can always have a yard sale and buy some cloths for the kids instead of toys.
It really isn’t your issue. Your mom is going to do what she wishes…I would continue to remind her of YOUR wishes-but she sounds like she is not going to follow them.
I would also suggest to her that she file with Consumer Credit Counseling Services. My husband and I used them 8 years ago. They are a real organization, they cut the interest on the credit cards and you pay Consumer Credit- they then pay the credit cards. We paid off 3 this way- and did the rest on our own- we are now out of debt with credit cards and no longer use them. It shows on her credit that she used CCCS for 30 days after you terminate the service. Likewise, while using them, she will not be able to use any credit card- but she will learn that if she budgets correctly, she will not need to. Again, she may not listen, but it’s much better to try and fail with her than not to try at all. She must be exhausted working so much. They have free classes in the evenings on improving your credit, your budget, etc.
Tell her her love for your children can’t be measured in $ and you really appreciate all her help but you don’t have room for everything but a break would be priceless. maybe she could take some time off when your new baby arrives and watch your other two while your in the hospital, and a couple days after you come home. Let her know it would mean the world to you as you wouldn’t have to worry about the kids.She is really just trying to help.
You can’t control what she spends but you can control what comes into your house. Tell her that you have limited room and so you will choose what fits and everything else will have to stay at her house and the kids can play with them when they come to visit her. At least then you won’t be faced with the excess everyday. And as your kids grow, be sure to teach them good money habits and don’t be afraid to use your parents as examples of what not to do.
Your mother is controlling. I suggest you let her see that you do not let your children have all the things she buys them and if she asks why, tell her that you do not believe it is good for them. I know a person with a lot of money who never lets their child have more than 3 toys at a time. It is simply too much stimulation and soon the toys become meaningless. I doubt you can change your mother but you do have control over what your children have so mentally you need to move past this. It will take a lot for you to not feel guilty and not do what she wishes regarding buying your sisters expensive gifts. You owe it to your husband to save money and you should not discuss monetary amounts of gifts with anyone except your husband. In other words, dont tell your mother you were spending 60. Its not her business. We decided in our family 3 years ago to not exchange gifts. Everyone agreed and it has been most pleasant and no one misses them!!!!
You know what? This isnt even about Christmas gifts. It is about your still being a little girl as far as your mother is concerned. Best wishes for a peaceful and love-filled Christmas baking cookies, singing carols and doing something nice for someone else ( not with money) Its the best.
I think you need to take a stand here. Set a limit and stick with it. Explain that this is our chance at parenting and wish certain things to happen a certain way. No matter how strange she may think they are WE call the shots. Sure she will be offended, but so what! Sorry, you are responsible for the outcome of your children, not her. Explain that you are going to set a limit, anything over that gets donated.
I am so guilty doing this i have actually stopped this behavior and i am going to start savings accounts for them i still buy for them but not to this extreme. Please keep her away from the eBay sight that got me into trouble but she needs to be told from grandmother to another to stop sooner or later those credit cards are going to get her into trouble again. we didn’t have much when we were growing up. And guess what my kids are so dysfunctional from being spoiled they cannot seem to stop getting into financial trouble